Ok, so maybe the anxiety isn't so much the "working out again" part- but, well...yeah it kinda is. I've been stuck in a rut going on about 3 months now- I was moving around with my job, moving back to Alabama, buying a house, etc. etc, and this has led me to where I am today- out of shape. It's hard for me to admit, because I always took pride in the fact that I had nice, shapely, strong legs, good cardiovascular strength and I was strong. I've lost it. And I'm scared about getting it back.

For one, I hated the feeling I got when I signed up at the new gym today. I felt as though the woman showing me around the gym didn't understand me when I said I knew about the machines, I knew what dumbell moves to do and how much cardio I can handle. Shut the hell up lady. Then I glanced at myself in the mirror and to me...I didn't look so knowledgable. My outside needs to match my insides again.

For two, this gym likes to measure your bodyfat and take your measurements for you. Great. Wonderful. I'm all about keeping track- but I can just see the woman's face and hear her nags now. "Oh, you're waist is too big." "Your BMI is in the unhealthy range." Yeah lady I KNOW THIS. Why do you think I'm here? Plus, I've always thought BMI was bullshit. Do you know for someone my height (5'10) and if I got back down to where I felt GREAT-180lbs (yes, I'm admitting weight. Who cares) I'd STILL be considered overweight? And I looked DAMN good at that weight! DAMN good. I hate the BMI scale. Just sayin'. haha

For three- In the back of my mind I'm hesitant about losing the extra weight I've put on. I have a closet full of NICE clothes, and most are tight now- but...my friends, what happens when I lose the weight I KNOW I can and WILL drop, and my nice clothes don't fit anymore? Seamstress and tailor, sure- and then of course there's always buying NEW clothing, but oddly enough- I think the thought of my body being too SMALL for my current clothing scares me. How weird am I?



But, I've taken the first step in looking like old-school Britney (muhaha!)- I signed up at the gym and have a class schedule in hand (The gym I joined even offers BODYPUMP, which I am in love with. Great total body workout.). Now I need to tweak my diet and actually break a sweat. Easier said than done- and why am I so scared of this? Something I once loved and craved., has become something I fear. *sigh*.

I'm having a really blah sorta day- I know we all have them, but I really dislike them damnit. Let's just stop having blah days. Can we all agree to that? Easier said than done. Maybe if I just didn't think so much, I'd be happier more often. But I think waaay too much about everything. That can be good- that can be bad. And now I'm rambling.

9 days until Christmas? Are you serious? I still have two more things left to buy, not so bad. Payday is tomorrow, so my hard earned money will go towards bills (yay) and those two presents. Ina few paydays I'll be pushing "send" online to make my first mortgage payment. It's exciting! At least it's not being flushed down the drain for rent :-)

It's been flood city where I live in the Southeast. Thankfull not anywhere close to where my house is, but in parts of the state. Today was sunny, however and it looks like it's going to turn cool! I love chilly weather- oh, but more rain this weekend.

I spent the better part of today watching "Shakira: Oral Fixation Tour On-Demand". LOL. Don't ask me how I stumbled into the on-demand area of my TV, but I'm glad I did. I always knew I loved Shakira and her hip shakin' moves, but now I really love her- this happens when I watch live performances of artists- I fall in love. Her voice is amazing- and that hair of hers? GORGEOUS! And her body is banging- all curvy and stuff. She's definitely one of my girl crushes. Do me a favor and go download her song "Inevitable". Yes, it's sung in espanol but it's one of my favorite songs by her. So beautiful. haha SHAKIRA SHAKIRA!

You should hear me when it comes on my ipod- I start singing it (or trying to) in spanish right along with her- I guess I have the words memorized by now. My friends love to laugh at that.

Tomorrow is office Christmas party complete with Dirty Santa and food. Speaking of which I need to get to making my Chicken and Artichoke Dip- first time I've ever made it, but sounds delicious. I'll post photos later if I decide it's worthy-looking :-)

I'm off to enjoy the rest of my blah day. I need a good Christmas movie to watch to perk me up....