Oh my God, it's a mirage I'm tellin' y'all, it's a SABOTAGE!

Hey strangers! I hope to the heavens your week is going better than mine right now. Professionally, this week has been crap on my end.  On the positive, the week is half over.

So, today guys and gals, can we talk about self-sabotage for a minute?

I think it’s safe to say everyone has fears and doubts in certain areas of their lives, but when does that start to become a true PROBLEM that needs to be addressed and corrected? (I feel like I’m teaching a psychology class right now writing this)

Our behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals.  Self-sabotage can show its ugly face in many areas of someone’s life: work, relationships, health....

My self-sabotage always makes an appearance when I start to get mildly serious with a guy.

Yep. Lame. 

I start to wonder how he could possibly like ME….why does he like me? Does he like someone else too? Is he texting someone else? Will he think I’m good enough after he gets to know me?  It’s weird really….because I think I’m a pretty awesome person to know.  I think I’m a catch! I mean, hell, I’d like to think so….and when I don’t think it I tend to “fake it till I make it.”

Ok, so WHY do we sometimes choose to ruin something GOOD for ourselves before that good even happens? A few reasons…but I can only tell you my personal reasons: 

The familiarity of “failure” and feeling unworthy (sometimes)

Maybe I’m so used to situations not working out or to being around “dysfunctional people” that it feels easier to throw a wrench into something by behaving in some way that either worsens or destroys something promising.  The “feeling unworthy” nonsense is less of a factor for me than the previous, but yes, sometimes my low self-esteem drives me to feel as though I’m not worthy of a quality relationship. 

At present time, I’m past the mid-point of “talking” with a wonderful guy- he’s nothing short of amazing….a true change-up from what I’m used to….I feel so lucky to have him in my life….and the past week I could feel myself starting to slip into that self-sabotage abyss. 

But I’m choosing to yank myself out RIGHT now….from the abyss that is. Haha.

Honestly, all of the above is bullshit.  There’s no need for it and when you feel yourself slipping into self-sabotage, in ANY area of your life, just stop that shit. Stop right now…….

Because you’re good enough, you’re smart enough….and doggonit….people like you  

Conversations with Ray

Remember my neighbor Ray? He gave me a gruff, "HAPPY EASTER," from his van this morning.

Then.....just now, Ray and his three children come to my door. Knocking, ringing the doorbell, practically trying to SCRATCH their way in (Ok, semi-dramatic) to give me another box of Girl Scout cookies.  The kids get bored and trot off to the van while Ray sticks around TALKING. HIS. ASS. OFF.

My head is spinning- I seriously have no idea how to even start describing my encounter.  The only thing I can think to do is tell you all of the subjects we (he) discussed in 10 minutes:

The Dove.
The Dove has a mate for life.
The fact that Ray gave the Girl Scout's $100 and publicly asked everyone around him who was going to MATCH him.
I finally met his wife, Connie.  She seems like a gem, btw. Seriously. Nice lady.
Ray talked about how in three weeks or so he would be grilling a turkey and that I better come knock on the door to have some.
That if I ever need money or sugar I can also knock on the door.
That he lost one of his teeth from his dentures just yesterday "from his wife's bacon."
That he doesn't care that I'm a Republican or Democrat as long as I'm a good person.
He also said that he doesn't know "which way I swing" but that he has a son around my age and that he begs me to take him from his current woman.

*sigh*  And I'm spent.....

Meet my new neighbor, Ray.

Have I mentioned to you guys that weird shit happens to me?  Maybe the people in my life just lead “boring” lives, or perhaps I’m too extroverted for my own good sometimes and I welcome the weirdness, but I really feel like my life sometimes reads like a good comic strip.

I moved into my new place (LOVE IT) about two weeks ago and I think I’ve miserably failed to mention anything about my new neighbor.  My new, interesting and colorful character of a neighbor, Ray.  Good ‘ole Ray.  

The day I signed my lease, before any box had even been moved in, I had innocently asked my landlord about my neighbors.  Just for my general knowledge, ya know? I needed to know if I was going to need to go outside with a baseball bat if there was a potential for snot-nosed kids hanging around my car (Kidding. Kidding. Kinda.)

Liz looked at me and asked, ‘Why? Do you know Ray? What do you have with Ray?”

Uhm...What??

“I don’t have anything with Ray. I don’t know who Ray is. Should I be concerned?”

I met Ray the next day as I was hauling in boxes from my car.

And let me tell ya….Ray is a TALKER.

I had a huge box in my arms, feeling like baby in Dirty Dancing, as I let Ray talk my ear off.  It was only a 15 minute conversation (I timed it because once he opened his mouth I knew this was going to be interesting.), but in that short 15 minute time span, I learned:

Ray is my Dad’s age (52) with eight kids.  FIVE under the age of six that live next door.  Cute kids. His dad was a two tour Vietnam vet. He's been married three times. Ray likes cheeseburgers on the grill. Oh, and he's very blunt, according to himself, and appreciates when other people are too.  There were more facts about Ray thrown at me, but frankly I can’t remember. I was trying my hardest to make sure I remembered the most important stuff, to let everyone on Facebook know.  Lol

I didn't (directly) encounter Ray the next day, but he left this box of cookies on my windshield.

Thanks, Ray.  I still haven’t thanked him for those.  Ha!!

The day after I was left the cookies, I saw him and as "we" were talking he spotted a bumblebee. He told me a story about how when he was a bartender he and his bartender friends would dump buckets of ice on bumblebees to watch it paralyze them......"They would just stop because it was so cold....and then....*hand gesture* you could see their little legs start going after a while. It was funny."

Ok, Ray.

That makes him sound weird, but it wasn’t as morbid as it might sound, because you see, the bees were OK after the ice water wore off.

I wish there was some way to avoid him, but usually he;s outside smoking when I come home from work. I welcome new Ray stories, but sometimes I just AIN'T got time for all that!

More to come.

I leave you with some Ry Gos.  Because he makes everything better:

I feel like I'm much cooler on Twitter

So....I haven't had the chance to blog as much as I had HOPED this month. Fail Fail Fail.

I've decided you guys should come on ova to Twitta and follow me.  Why? Because - I'm addicted to it and I miss chatting with y'all. :)

See ya over there :)

I'm moving!!

.....but I'm still in Charleston! I'm OK with that. I know in one of my previous posts I talked about wanting to move back to Alabama because I missed my family too much.  While that's still true, I've come to the realization I just have no freaking clue where I want to be or live.  Charleston is a FABULOUS place to live and work, but I just don't think it's for me.  For now, I'm enjoying it and knowing me, I'll be moving in a year or so.  So seems to be the trend.

So, yeah, I'm moving from my downtown apartment into a townhouse in Mt. Pleasant.  More space, less rent, fenced-in yard for the dogs.  I'm an old woman apparently and have my priorities :) Happy dogs = Happy Jenny.

The townhouse is a bit bigger, has a dishwasher and a place for washer a dryer. It's the little things.  Still a two bedroom - gotta have room for my guests!

 Lots of babies and weddings are coming up! My best friend, Amanda, is having her first child in June, my friend Chase is getting married in June and I have two other weddings to attend this year.  I love weddings- mainly for the booze and dancing.  Just sayin'.  Also, I love choosing my date for occasions like this.  Being single has it's perks, mmkay? I get to pick and choose.

OK, some weird smell is wafting in from the hallways....I need to go inspect...... 

Seeing Red...on top of my head!

Sooooo, I've been wanting to take the plunge and go red for at least a year and a half now.  I know all about the difficult upkeep, but I’m ready for it! Ready for a change!  I just love the sassiness and confidence that comes with a head of red- well, in my mind.  I think you have to REALLY have the personality to carry a bright, fiery red!

I started looking for my perfect shade and played around with a few online make-over simulators. HA! Behold…

My favorite is the last row, middle.  BUT, I can’t stop loving the very last color. I. LOVE. IT.  I just feel like if I’m going red, I better do it right and be happy with it.  I get that the red process should maybe be taken in baby steps, but this girl is ready for some color!  (P.S. The third and eight photo are the same. lol. Oops)

To the right is Casadee Pope (The Voice winner).  I LOVE her red on top! LOVE. 

I really love all the shades in the photo to be honest! It’s kinda hard to choose, but the great thing is, I can change it!

Which red haired Jenny do you think looks best?  I’m probably going to end up going for a mid-range between the last two photos….bright, but not too bright.

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Welcome welcome, 2013!!

Welcome to my first blog in 2013! 

I was an awful blogger last year. AWFUL.  I just haven’t had the gumption or interesting content to write.  Stuck in a rut.

I did feel compelled to write today, however, to talk about my yearly goals and objectives.  I’m not one to make “resolutions”- the term “New Year’s Resolution” has become commercialized in my brain.  Just strive to be a better version of yourself, in whatever aspect of your life, and call it a day…..and no need to start these goals JUST in the beginning of the year.  Goals can be started at any point.

Here are a few of mine:

·         Move back to Alabama to be closer to friends and family- Yeah.  You heard me.  I miss home.  I moved to Charleston last June.  I thought moving to a new location was what I wanted, but let me LET YA KNOW….the grass is most definitely NOT greener on the other side of that tharr pasture. 

·         Finally commit to lose this extra weight before my 30^th birthday- I turn 30 in October.  I’ve seriously been trying to lose this extra weight for two years now. TWO. Years.  I just haven’t been able to make the habit stick like I’ve done in the past.  I know what needs to be done, but I always let life’s little excuses get in the way. Not this time.  I’m hoping that moving more towards 30 gives me the extra push that I need mentally.  (In case you’re wondering, YES, I’ll still have my wine in moderation.)

·         Save money. SAVE! SAVE! SAVE!- The worst thing about being so active on the internets is seeing all the cool stuff that’s out there to buy, buy, buy…..and I, my friends, have a shopping addiction.  I admit it that it needs to end this year.  I have a well-paying job and have credit cards I need to shed.  One of the reasons I want to move back to Alabama is to save money.  I still own my home there, but will be living with my parents for awhile (*sigh* and *yay* at the same time).  I didn’t even have a savings account up until two weeks ago! Yikes indeed.  This also means no more frivolous spending unless I can honestly afford it.  I love haul videos from YouTubers and I, of COURSE, follow several beauty and fashion blogs.  I think we all know how envious those can make us sometimes. I’m stopping the insanity.

So tell me—what are your goals for this year?  How do you want to improve your life?

I miss chatting with all of you, so leave those comments below!