Ok, so maybe the anxiety isn't so much the "working out again" part- but, well...yeah it kinda is. I've been stuck in a rut going on about 3 months now- I was moving around with my job, moving back to Alabama, buying a house, etc. etc, and this has led me to where I am today- out of shape. It's hard for me to admit, because I always took pride in the fact that I had nice, shapely, strong legs, good cardiovascular strength and I was strong. I've lost it. And I'm scared about getting it back.
For one, I hated the feeling I got when I signed up at the new gym today. I felt as though the woman showing me around the gym didn't understand me when I said I knew about the machines, I knew what dumbell moves to do and how much cardio I can handle. Shut the hell up lady. Then I glanced at myself in the mirror and to me...I didn't look so knowledgable. My outside needs to match my insides again.
For two, this gym likes to measure your bodyfat and take your measurements for you. Great. Wonderful. I'm all about keeping track- but I can just see the woman's face and hear her nags now. "Oh, you're waist is too big." "Your BMI is in the unhealthy range." Yeah lady I KNOW THIS. Why do you think I'm here? Plus, I've always thought BMI was bullshit. Do you know for someone my height (5'10) and if I got back down to where I felt GREAT-180lbs (yes, I'm admitting weight. Who cares) I'd STILL be considered overweight? And I looked DAMN good at that weight! DAMN good. I hate the BMI scale. Just sayin'. haha
For three- In the back of my mind I'm hesitant about losing the extra weight I've put on. I have a closet full of NICE clothes, and most are tight now- but...my friends, what happens when I lose the weight I KNOW I can and
WILL drop, and my nice clothes don't fit anymore? Seamstress and tailor, sure- and then of course there's always buying NEW clothing, but oddly enough- I think the thought of my body being too
SMALL for my current clothing scares me. How weird am I?
But, I've taken the first step in looking like old-school Britney (muhaha!)- I signed up at the gym and have a class schedule in hand (The gym I joined even offers BODYPUMP, which I am in love with. Great total body workout.). Now I need to tweak my diet and actually break a sweat. Easier said than done- and why am I so scared of this? Something I once loved and craved., has become something I fear.
*sigh*.
