It's so hard for me to explain (some of you may relate) but as a 26-year-old woman with an awesome career, a home I OWN, what I think are decent looks, intelligence and a sense of humor I'm starting to feel pressure to be in a relationship. Not from myself, but from others. They may not do it intentionally, but the things they say or do could be perceived that way.
I have honestly NEVER had a serious relationship. Ok, Ok...I can say I've been in ONE-HALF relationship, but that's a heartbreaking story. Have I dated? Of course. I'm no dating virgin by any means- but I've never had that one guy come over to meet my parents. Never went to a boyfriend's house for the holidays. Nothing like that. Of course, I wish I had that sometimes, but honestly, God's honest truth- it doesn't bother me.
I can remember from an early age what my mom told me: "Don't rely on a man to take care of you. Your father and I want you to have a career of your own and be able to support yourself."
This stuck with me and I wish that more parents would teach this to their young daughters. It's so important, in my opinion, for us to have our own voice. To know WHO we are, what we want from this life- afterall, we only get one go at it.
My personal philosophy is while it's awesome to be your own person- it's definitely OK to rely on a man- IF this man is worthy of YOU. It's OK to be happily married or in a relationship, but as this article says continue to enjoy your friends, enjoy your hobbies. This may seem OBVIOUS to most of you, but I have friends who don't get it. I've seen with my own eyes, these friends pathetically go from relationship to relationship....simply because they don't know what to do WITHOUT one. I mean seriously y'all? I NEED my personal time. I thrive on it. If I don't have it- I get pissy. lol (Shoutout here goes to Big and Little Pissy! ;-) )
Everyone's lives are different. There are different path's for every woman- I wasn't one of those women who met their husband in college- and I still have yet to find him. But until I do, I'm going to do what I want, when I want and enjoy the hell out of it- and will CONTINUE to do so even AFTER I meet the man of my dreams :-) No matter what your feelings on the subject, this article is extremely positive and encouraging.
Don’t Play Hard to Get…Be Hard to Get!
Recently a guy asked me why all the really great catches are so hard to get. Men are genuinely intrigued by women who are actually hard to get. There is something mysterious about her that leaves him wanting more. The gals who just “play” hard to get are easy to spot because their games have a systematic method to them that is a big turn off.
Back to those oh-so coveted women who are just hard to get. They have everything: great personalities, careers, style, fun-filled balanced lives, confidence, and numbers of men drooling over them. They don’t have to play hard to get, they are hard to get. Why? Because who they are as a person doesn't depend on who they are dating, or if they are even dating at all. For the rest of this article we’ll call them Wonder Women.
Tips on How to be a Wonder Woman:
1. Have your own life- Keep friends and hobbies outside of your guy. Even when you start dating someone in particular, don’t let these things go. Wonder women aren’t always sitting by the phone waiting for their guy to call, they are out living life. Women who play hard to get will often purposely not answer the phone when guys call, women who are actually hard to get are just busy.
2. Make yourself a priority-Wonder women know they can’t be all they are to everyone else if they don’t look out for themselves. Stay on top of your health and happiness. Do things that you love. Eat well and exercise. Women who play hard to get practice all these healthy habits long enough to land a guy, women who are hard to get make them a priority and a lifestyle.
3. Go for your dreams-Don’t be embarrassed about what you want out of life. Wonder Women achieve things in life for themselves, not just for men. Have the confidence to go after your passions and dreams. Do what it takes to make your dreams a reality. Complete whatever training, schooling, or steps you need to achieve your goals.
Isn’t it easy now to see how women who are truly hard to get, live balanced lives? They excel in many areas of life so they aren’t as concentrated on having to have a guy. They want a man who will add something to their lives; they don’t want a man because they need one. Wonder Women don’t swoon over every guy that pays them attention. They are very selective. Wonder women don’t have to “act” busy because they are actually busy out doing all the things that make them truly special.
Life and Dating Coach
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I love what I just read!! As the Mother of an almost 18 yr old daughter...your words couldnt be more true. Her friends all have boyfriends, dating, etc....she never has. I tell her the SAME EXACT words your Mother told you (smart woman:)
I tell her theres a huge difference in what you need....and what you want....and I dont EVER want her to NEED anyone to take care of her....shes working a part time job now, shes thrilled to be making her own money...and Im sooo proud of her!! All theses years, she secretly was listening:)
And heyyy lady....you BETTER post a pic of yourself WEARING non slut tights.....OUTSIDE of your house....and you know what they say (well I say it at least, lol) "if they dont like it...screw em"
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I wish I could say most of my friends are like this, but they aren't. I get my feelings hurt a lot (especially by my best friend) because girls give up EVERYTHING for guys. I can say I was guilty of this back in high school (my first serious long-term relationship), but when I got out of that relationship at age 18 I vowed to never be that girl again. People even comment how "weird" it is how my hubby and I are so independent of eachother. Ummmm, just because we are married doesn't mean we have to give up our friends, interests, etc. Thanks for sharing!
Love this - what a great article. Some people give their lives up to be with the man of their dreams, but a man worth sticking around for, will accept and love the fact that you have your own life, own individuality. Thanks! :)
This is great advice! I'm 25 and this is the first time I've been single for more than a month in about five years. It's taken some getting used to, but I'm actually really enjoying it - I've been going out with friends, meeting new people, and have taken up running and yoga. I actually have more self-confidence than I have in a long time!
As Lil Boosie & Lil Phat so eloquently put it...
I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T... you a bad broad.
That is a great article. I agree with it 100 percent. Thanks for posting it.
Thanks for sharing that. Great advice that everyone young women should hear.
Congrats on being a homeowner, I didn't know that, that's really impressive! And definitely decent look, LOEFFINGL, you're freaking gorgeous!
I agree, I think it's so important to have your own interests, goals, hobbies and life outside of a man. I was brought up similarly, I actually had NO idea how to cook until I got married because I had no interest in domesticity and my parents didn't stress it either. It was all about getting a good education, having a career I excelled in and being self-sufficient. I am so grateful to them for instilling that in me. Now my H can go out of town for 3 weeks, leave me with 2 toddlers and no family to help me and I am perfectly fine handling it all on my own. I have my hobbies and interests to keep me busy and sane and independent ~essentially.
A lot of my friends who are in their 30s and married still drop everything for their husbands and don't have interests or lives outside of his. I think it's unhealthy and ultimately, damaging to their relationship. I think men (even husbands) respect a woman who has a mind and life of her own. I have had some men (friends of ours who are married) tell me that they actually wish their wives would develop some outside interests. It's all about finding a balance. At any and every point in our lives.
Thanks for posting this!
I *heart* you for this post, I really do. I thought I was the only one feeling the pressure...so many of my friends are getting divorced bc they got married young - I want to finish my grad degree and live on my own first. My friends try to side step the fact that I'm single.
Awesome attitude girl. I didn't have a serious relationship till I was 27 years old and got married at almost 29. Better to get to know yourself, get yourself established, travel and have fun single I say.... then you can meet someone!! *high five*
This is such a great article! Thank you so much for posting it!